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Left Unspoken: Rain

Left Unspoken
Part One Part Two
Part Three: Rain

By: Memory Dragon
Disclaimer: Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne belongs to Arina Tanemura. I don't own it and make no claim to.
Warnings: Much mild cursing. Access goes a little overboard when he starts damning people.
Character: Chiaki Nagoya / Access Time
Time Line: Manga time line, right after the Zen-kun incident.

 

Access had left Chiaki standing on the balcony in the rain about an hour ago. The little angel had given up on trying to get the kaitou inside. Chiaki didn’t care if he caught a cold. He knew Maron was still wandering out there somewhere. So why should he go in where it was safe and warm?

She was out there wandering all alone and there was nothing he could do about it. She had to hate him by now. After what he did... After what he did... How could she forgive him when he couldn’t even forgive himself? If he had... If he hadn’t have... That boy... He would still be...

He gripped the rail, as though he scared to let go for fear of seeing red prints where his hands had been if he did. Even though there had been no blood spilled, it was still there. The rain wouldn’t wash it away.

The boy had been too far gone. Too much of his heart consumed by the demon. It had to be done. Soon, there would have been nothing left of that boy's soul. The demon would have won, had Chiaki not checkmated. But because he checkmated the painting, Zen was dead...

He was alone now. He let the tears intermingle with the rain. Chiaki didn’t try to stop them. It was better this way. Much better. Better that Zen died as a human. Better that he should feel as his soul was being ripped apart. Better his hands be soiled with blood rather than hers. Better that she hated him now, rather than later, so that he could learn to cope with it...

A small gasp parted his lips as he sank down to the floor. He couldn’t tell what was worse. The fact that she hated him or that he killed that boy. For being from a generation of doctors, he certainly harmed a lot more than he healed. He just effectively killed whatever relationship he might have hoped for with Maron. Killed whatever hopes he had. Killed Zen... All because... of her eyes...

And he couldn’t even tell her why. He couldn’t tell her why she had to stop being a Kaitou. Because that would break her. It would break her and it would be ten times worse than everything else. And if she broke, he couldn’t even begin to imagine what would happen to him... But whether he wanted it or not it would all come pouring down sometime, just like the rain...

He hugged himself, trying to keep what little warmth his body had left. Pulling his knees closer to his chest, sobs racked through his entire body. They were painful and heavy, but he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t stop...

The last thing he remembered was a pair of arms picking him up before blissful blackness claimed him.

* * *

Access Time spent the better part of the hour trying to come up with a way to get Sinbad inside. He was tired, but if he didn’t do something Sinbad would kill himself out there in the rain. Besides, his emotional drainage was nothing in comparison to Sinbad’s. Sinbad was coping with the present. Access had only retold the past...

This isn’t helping.

Come on, he could do this. Okay, picture of Jeanne in her non-kaitou form is probably the last thing he wants to see right now. Um, no gratin in the refrigerator (As if Sinbad would ever leave any to be put away...). Maybe if the phone started ringing? But how was he going to make it do that? Heck, he couldn’t even lift the phone! Think, Access! He couldn’t fail Sinbad now! He couldn’t fail to protect the human, like he had Fin-chan. He would never be able to forgive a double failure...

Think, damn it!!!

He was making absolutely no progress. Sinbad was going to catch a cold or worse standing out there in the rain and Access couldn’t think of anyway to stop it. How the hell was he supposed to save Fin Fish if he couldn’t even convince one human to stop being an idiot and come out of the rain! He couldn’t even... help...

Access pinched himself, hard. “I-ch-ch-ch...” That hurt... But he should know better than to start down that train of thought. There had to be something he could do. Never lose hope. If he did that, then there really wasn’t any. Besides, what was it that the TV show Sinbad was watching said? Oh, yeah. ‘Faith manages.’

That didn’t make his mind work any better however. He still couldn’t come up with a plan. Hell, if he’d been good at making plans, he’d have though of a better way of saving Fin- chan than to make Sinbad go through this...

So what? He wasn’t good at making plans. He could at least go back out side and yell at Sinbad at the top of his lungs. He could stay out there as long as Sinbad could and maybe make the human feel guilty about it by sneezing a few times. And maybe the kid was ready to listen to reason. There was nothing wrong with Access’ voice, so he still might be able to talk... Sinbad... around...

Why didn’t he think of that earlier!?!? Of course if Sinbad heard Jeanne’s voice screaming for help, he’d come running! Access could mimic Jeanne voice and... er, no. That wouldn’t work. After a few tries at her voice, Access realized he wouldn’t be able to fool Sinbad. Okay, but Jeanne in trouble was still an idea to work with! He could say... That the teacher-guy had her! Sinbad would get jealous and come inside immediately then! Now, time to get that mule- headed human out of the rain!

Access took a deep breath, then started yelling at the top of his lungs. “Sinbad!!” He cried, flying out to the balcony as fast as he could. He had to make this believable. “Sinbad, that teacher, Shikaidou-sensei! He’s got-”

The black angel’s eyes widened when he saw the boy. This was much worse than he could have imagined. Damn, why did he leave Sinbad in the first place!!

Sinbad was curled up on the terrace, rain striking his body as it shook with silent sobs. Access should never have left him alone that long. He should have tried convincing the boy more before. At least kept him company so that Sinbad wouldn’t have gotten this bad...

Because Access had gone, Sinbad had lost his grip. In the presence of others, Sinbad would hold on. He was like Jeanne in that respect, never wanting others to know when he felt bad. But Access had left and now...

And now he shouldn't just stand there! Get moving!

“Sinbad!! Sinbad, come on!” Access tried everything. Kicking, screaming, biting, even though it was raining so hard he could barely fly. But nothing was getting through. It was like Sinbad couldn’t even sense Access anymore. “Sinbad, please!!”

This was useless. He was too small. He couldn’t do anything for Sinbad. There was no one who could see or hear him either. “Please, Sinbad, get up... God... Someone... please help...”

The wind blew.

There was a soft ‘poof’ and suddenly Access was human sized. The angel stood there in shock. He was... No, not a pure angel. A glance back at his wings told them they were still black. God did something then...

The wind blew again, urgently. Alright, he got it. Whatever it was God had done, it was only temporary. He could think about this later. Right now he had to get moving!

The rain had long since plastered his hair to his face. He quickly blushed it aside as he kneeled down next to his friend. Well, the kid probably wouldn’t hear him, but might as well try. “Sinbad... Sinbad, it’s me, Access Time. I’m going to take you inside now.”

No response. The angel really hadn’t expected any by this point, but it was worth a shot. Sighing softly, he gently scooped the boy up in his arms. Thankfully, Sinbad chose that moment to finally pass out. Access didn’t know how well he’d be able to hold on if the kid tried to fight. He quickly went back inside, instantly feeling the difference with the lack of wind. He wouldn’t be able to hold this form long on his own...

But he hesitated before putting Sinbad in bed. The human was soaked to the bone... And he wasn’t getting any lighter either.

Damn it all...

Access put Sinbad in one of the more comfortable chairs in the apartment before setting off to search for a set of dry clothes. He cursed softly as he went. Damn Sinbad for being so stubborn. One sock. Damn himself for not thinking ahead and getting clothes before this (regardless of how he would have known, but still). Clean pants (he didn’t care if they weren’t for sleeping in). Damn the weather for deciding to rain so hard (though cursing the person who had given him this power probably wasn’t a good idea...). Fresh shirt. Damn himself again for not being able to help with anything. A different sock from the first one, but he was far past the point of caring if Sinbad’s socks matched. Damn Sinbad again for not keeping his clothes neat. Finally, a pair of boxers.

Access was beginning to feel the affects of staying in this form. His movements were getting sluggish and it was all he could do to stay awake... The angel shook his head to keep concentrated. He had to hurry.

To keep him mind off his growing weariness, he continued to curse while changing Sinbad into the dry clothes. Damn Noin for using that child to torment Jeanne (too bad the man was already damned for all eternity...). Damn himself yet again for dragging Sinbad into this. Damn the circumstances for forcing the angel to tell Sinbad the truth. While he was at it, he might as well damn himself a hundred times more for not being able to save Fin-chan in the first place. Hell, maybe a couple more and he could join her...

He was startled when a drop of water fell on his hand. That wasn’t from his rain drench clothes. So what... He was... crying?

The black angel didn’t have the strength left to try and contain the tears, so he instead focused on dragging Sinbad to the bed. It was all his fault. He should have studied harder before in Heaven. Then he could have helped Fin-chan, protected her. Defended her against the demons. Then Jeanne and Sinbad could have been normal teenagers and wouldn’t have to be so torn up on the inside... Then Fin-chan would still be...

No sooner had Access barely pushed Sinbad onto the bed was there another soft ‘poof.’ He was small again. But he couldn’t go to sleep yet. Still something he had... What was it again? Covers. Sinbad needed covers or he would freeze to death. The blankets weighted a ton, but Access somehow got them to cover the sleeping Sinbad.

He collapsed, exhausted, on the pillow next to his friend’s head. Slowly, the angel crawled until he was nestled on Sinbad’s shoulder, tiny arms hugging the boy’s neck and tears still streaming down his face. He should have kept the secret a little longer. Should have found another way... “I’m sorry, Sinbad. S-Sorry for dragging you into this... I-I’m so sorry... Chiaki...”

Because some things were better left unspoken.

~TBC~

Quote of the Chapter:

"No one but Night, with tears on her dark face,
Watches beside me in this windy place."
-Edna St. Vincent Millay (I know I've used this one before, but I've always liked Edna St. Vincent Millay...)