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Do Virgins Taste Better?

Do Virgins Taste Better?
By: Memory Dragon
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, nor do I make any claim to.
Charaters: Three/Delgado Master
Warnings: Very, very cracky.  It's not beta'ed at all, so be gentle with it?
Notes: Written for the best_enemies  weekly drabble challenge with the prompt of 'knight'.  It got a little too long for a comment (thus failing at being a drabble), so I figured I'd just post it here.  Also, it was inspired by insanitysorigin 's response to the same prompt and the song by the Brobdingnagian Bards.  Yes, virgins do taste better than those who are not.  XD

~


This really was a very compromising position for the Master to be in.  He'd been captured before numerous times in the past and this actually wasn't the most uncomfortable time he'd spent tied up.  That honor still remained with the Axos tentacles that had been none too insistent on disregarding his need for personal space.  That stated, it still wasn't comfortable being tied to a pole with a dragon-esque creature looking at you like a Sunday roast.  The Master swallowed, attempting to keep his face a polite mask as the dragon's foul breath reached him.  "I'm sure we could come to some sort of agreement," he said, keeping his voice controlled despite the large tongue licking at his neck.  Mind control hadn't worked on the creature, so that meant attempting to reason with it.  "I could find you treasure, if that's what you-"

The Master let out a cry of pain as a claw that was as long as his forearm tilted his head up until he was staring into two rainbow swirling vortexes that made up of the dragons eyes.  He could feel his will to resist start to drain away and he realized why mind control hadn't worked earlier.  The beast was stronger than he was and was now turning his favored weapon against him.  The terror was stripped from him even as it threatened to choke him, making him helpless to do anything but walk forward as the dragon cut his bindings.  Walking forward into those inviting jaws that laughed at his plight...

"I wouldn't do that, if I were you," a clear voice said from behind the Master.  "He'd probably give you a stomach ache."

The dragon creature turned away from the Master, leaving the man to fall back sprawled on the grass as he tried to catch his breath and not tremble in fear over what had nearly just happened.  His hearts were pounding in his ears as the Doctor rode forward on a white horse, looking absolutely ridiculous in his usual dandy outfit and mahogany jacket.  It was a better mental image than that of the Doctor as a knight in proper shining armor, but only just.  Still, the Master wasn't going to argue as he inched away until his back hit the pole, putting as much distance between him and the dragon as he could. 

"What I don't understand, though, is why him?" the Doctor asked, dismounting the horse as he fiddled with a complex looking machine around his neck.  "You've got a whole village down there, but the moment he turns up you demand him."

The dragon hissed lightly, eying the Master in such a way that he found he couldn't move again, which was very disconcerting and not helping his fear of things that could loom over him any.  "Virginss do tasste better than thosse who are not.  The resst of the town hass fixed thiss problem," it said, drawing out the 's' on every word. 

The Master felt his cheeks flush as the Doctor sent him A Look of complete disbelief.  His fear caused him to snap instead of his usual polite greeting.  "I haven't yet, in this body.  It wasn't a problem until now."

"My dear fellow," the Doctor said, shaking his head in wonder.  "You were trapped on Earth for months in the 70's, and you're still a virgin in this regeneration?" 

"Doctor, I would appreciate it if you got on with the rescuing," the Master said impatiently.

"Yes, quite."  The Doctor proceeded to do just that with even more over-dramatic flair using the machine around his neck to frighten the beast off with sound waves.  The Master watched the fight, curling up miserably against his pole since he still couldn't move.  Once the battle had concluded, the Doctor came over to him and placed a friendly hand on his shoulder.  "You alright?"

Nodding, the Master wanted nothing more than to just melt into the ground where he sat.  Anything to get away from this mixture of embarrassment and fear that was still coursing through his veins.  "I still can't move," he said, mostly succeeding in keeping how miserable he was out of his voice.  He wasn't even in control of his own body anymore and that was almost as frighting as being eaten by an overgrown lizard had been. 

The Doctor regarded him carefully, whatever thoughts he had not present on his face.  Finally, he spoke up, grinning smugly.  "It seems to me like you've got two choices, old chap."  Neither of which the Master would like, by the expression the Doctor was giving him, but the Master nodded for him to continue.  "Either I carry you off into the sunset now and we wait for this paralysis to wear off naturally, or we do as the locals do and 'fix' the problem before the beast comes back."

Vaguely, the Master wondered if either of these plans included killing the Doctor slowly and painfully in revenge for this humiliation, but that was hardly a polite way to thank his best enemy for rescuing him.  He would just have to find something else to hold over the Doctor's head to make sure this was never, ever mentioned again.

~FINI~

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
insanitysorigin
Mar. 9th, 2011 06:47 am (UTC)
I'm really glad you can't hear the way I'm cackling right now. Or see how widely I'm grinning.

Virgins taste better, brilliant. And the Doctor's reaction (and fair enough, I've heard about the 70's).

And the Master curling up by the pole, all miserable, for some reason that's a really powerful image.
insanitysorigin
Mar. 9th, 2011 06:55 am (UTC)
Ah, just caught something on the re-read, I assume you mean "using the machine around his neck" not around his next.

Other than that, just as good as the first times.
dragonofmemory
Mar. 9th, 2011 12:37 pm (UTC)
One of the greatest parts about this is that not only does the Master end up curled against the pole, but for a cracky short post I've also managed to torment him completely by using his own hypnotic suggestion against him. Oh, that was fun. That, and with the inability to move, the Doctor will likely have to suggest the Master having to bottom to get out of it. XD

Oh, it's a good thing he's a fictional character, cause I'd probably be quite dead by now for that. Maybe the Doctor might have liked it enough to protect me? lol...

I am very glad you enjoyed the fic you spawned. <3 And yes, that was supposed to be neck... This is why I try to get a beta reader, since I'm notorious for that kind of mistake. My mind goes faster than I can type and my fingers don't always get the word right. XD Thanks for pointing it out though! Tis fixed now. Thanks for the comments!

Edited at 2011-03-09 10:23 pm (UTC)
stargazer_7
Mar. 14th, 2011 11:09 am (UTC)
Hehe, this was great! I just love these cracky ficlets of yours, they never fail to put a smile on my face. :D
dragonofmemory
Mar. 14th, 2011 02:42 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it. <3
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )