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Left Unspoken: Laughing

Left Unspoken
Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six
Part Seven: Laughing

By: Memory Dragon
Disclaimer: Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne belongs to Arina Tanemura. I don't own it and make no claim to.
Warnings: Lots of angst... Poor little guy.   And I'm not really sure I like this one very much, but meh.
Character: Chiaki Nagoya
Time Line: Manga time line, while Chiaki has been taken hostage by Maou-sama.


The Devil was laughing at him.

Chiaki deserved far more than a little laughter aimed at him, but it was still a painful reminder. Did he really expect differently? He was in Hell, after all. Why shouldn’t the Devil laugh and mock him? Why shouldn’t the Devil take pleasure in his misery? Why shouldn’t every one of the Devil’s taunts strike home so hard it hurt Chiaki to the core?

The Devil spoke constantly of his plans. How he had the perfect opponent for Maron. One not even she stood a chance against. And she was going to have to fight the Devil’s choice or Chiaki would lose his life. And Maron... Maron would just walk into the Devil’s trap.

There was absolutely nothing he could do about it. Not one thing. He couldn’t escape. Even if he did somehow manage to get out of these bindings, Chiaki would still be in Hell. He doubted he could get back to earth on with his own power. Some protector he was...

He couldn’t even protect Maron with his own power. He’d always had help from Access. Of course there was no way he could get back to the earth. Who was he kidding? All he could do was sit around as bait and watch the girl he loved walk straight into a trap. All the while the Devil laughed...

That wasn’t the only thing the Devil spoke of either. Oh, no. Chiaki heard all about what he had done while under the demon’s influence. Him, under a demon’s influence. So much for protecting Maron. He couldn’t even control his own body when it had mattered.

He didn’t know what was worse. The fact that he had betrayed her, or the fact that she just accepted it calmly. Like he truly meant nothing to her. Just a friend, nothing more. The Devil said she just smiled when she found out he was supposedly being serious.


The laughter only got louder.

Yeah, go ahead and laugh. It’s all hilarious. Heck, he’d laugh too if it didn’t hurt so much. Not only had he betrayed her, but he was the bait for the trap. And wasn’t it his mission to protect her? All it seemed like he did was hurt her more. Absolutely hysterical.

Access should have found someone else to do it. Someone better suited for this job. Someone Maron might have actually loved back. Someone who was actually strong enough to protect Maron with their own powers, instead of relying on someone else’s. It wasn’t worth it...

It wasn’t... worth...

Even if it meant he’d still be running away from his father? Still hate him like he used to? Maron had done that, brought him an understanding of his father. Because of her, he knew his father’s true feelings.

Maron wasn’t the only one who was weak. Chiaki was weak too. Even more so than she. Maron had become his strength. His reason to move forward. To protect her. If she died... Chiaki would was well.

Yet all she seemed to do was protect him. Protected him from the pain of seeing a bandage on her hand where he hurt her. Protected him from making the mistake of heating his father for the rest of his life. Protected him from heart break by not pushing him away...

And how many times had he hurt her? Far too many times to count. Her hand had been the least of it. In comparison to what he did afterward, he might as well have been the Devil’s advocate. Why bother going over the list of things he had done to her?

He was pathetic. Really pathetic. Even more so because it was all he could do. He could only hurt her more. Especially right now, when all he could do was sit here in self-loathing while he waited for her to rescue him. Walking straight into a trap and making the worst mistake of her life.

No, it wasn’t worth it. He wasn’t worth it.

What was he thinking, when he agreed to help Access? He couldn’t even face his own father back then, he was that weak. Yet here he thought he could protect some girl and make her stop being a Kaitou. Protect her from demons he couldn’t even resist.

He was probably too weak for even the demons to want. Hadn’t gone after him at all. Instead he was just manipulated by them. And only because Miyako had liked him, at that. No, not even the demons wanted him. Maybe that was why Access chose him. Wasn’t a target for the enemy. Couldn’t God have just found a better protector? He was God, after all.

None of this was helping Maron at all...

The laughter went on, no matter how much Chiaki tried to shut it out. A constant, constant reminder of his failures. Fine. Then look at the bright side. Maybe the only way to convince Maron not to walk into this trap was to have betrayed her like he did before. It was his only hope at this point. Maybe she’d still be angry enough that she’d agree to Chiaki’s pleadings. He doubted it though.

But... did he want that? How could he survive, knowing Maron’s lack of caring would leave him in the Devil’s clutches? Now that was funny. Of course he wouldn’t survive. The Devil would kill him and finally end this miserable existence. He’d be dead and Maron could go on with her life.

But he could only fool himself for so long with those thoughts. Of course Maron would never actually do that. Whether she loved him or not, she’d still stupidly throw her life away. Even if he knew that she could live perfectly fine with out him around. It was a lose/lose situation for Chiaki.

If she died, Chiaki would too... He couldn’t... live... without her.

The Devil’s laughter grew louder as he saw the boy shiver. This time, however, Chiaki’s response was different. He grew angry with the Devil. He wasn’t going to give the Devil that kind of satisfaction. He’d made up his mind. That was what the Devil wanted, his despair. Well, he wasn’t going to get it! Chiaki refused to let the pricking sensation in his eyes take him over. Even if this was all his fault...

The laughter only increased. As if the Devil were laughing at an unruly child. Chiaki knew he wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer. His own thoughts would be the end of him at this rate. Were they really his own, or what the Devil implanted into his mind? He couldn’t tell anymore, which was which. Not like it mattered. Either way lead to the same end.

But the laughter suddenly stopped, leaving Chiaki’s ears ringing with the following blessed silence. He let out the breath he had been holding, just now aware he had been holding it. His heavy breathing was the only sound to be heard in the dark hall.

What was going on?

Prepare yourself, mortal

Prepare? For what?

You will soon be brought before Eve. Prepare yourself.

Eve? Did he mean Maron? That was the image he got with the thought, at least. The Devil was giving him time to... But wouldn’t the Devil want him looking upset? It would push Maron into accepting the challenge, right? Why this sudden kindness?

The silence remained. The Devil was either refusing to respond or had no answer for him. Chiaki decided to leave that thought for another time and take advantage of the chance the Devil was giving him.

If Maron found out what had passed here... She’d blame herself. He resolved not to tell her anything. To say he didn’t remember it. If he even had the chance to speak with her again...

If she accepts, you will have time.

Once again, Chiaki was startled by the unexpected kindness. The thought wasn’t carrying tones of defeat, but that the Devil would give them one last night together. One last time... Why? Why would he...

Prepare yourself,’ the command was repeated.

Alright. Prepare he would. Though he couldn’t move his hands to wipe away the sweat, at least he wouldn’t be nearly in tears when he saw Maron. And he would never speak of this to her. Never. But he would yell at her for walking into such an obvious trap.

Everything else could be... It would be left unspoken.


Quote of the Chapter:

"Laugh at yourself first, before anyone else can."
-Elsa Maxwell